Your Readers Aren’t Bumblefucks: How to Tell They’re Smart & Treat Them That Way

I get it. It’s tough to give readers the benefit of the doubt when you’re talking about complicated subjects like snow, seafood, and shoes. As writers, we all fight a powerful inner force that drives us to explain things well beyond the point of clarity—often to the point of “Hey, in case you’re a dumbass, let me tell you what water is.”

Your readers will get tired of that faster than yesterday’s playlist.

Here’s a quick sample of what’s sometimes put in front of readers…and what they really think when we talk down to them:

Writer: Snow is white and cold.

Reader: No shit. There better be an inescapable blizzard trapping an entire town within the terrorizing clutches of an abominable snowman before you tell me more about this white, cold snow.

Writer: Seafood comes from the ocean…and often tastes (gasp!) “fishy.”

Reader: Unless you just pulled a megalodon from the sea, I don’t need the genealogy of the dinner you’re describing. However, if some prehistoric badassery is going down, then by all means, continue the explanation.

Writer: Shoes are utilized to protect the feet and often worn when leaving the home.

Reader: I’d really want to read more of this…IF the protagonist were running through a volcanic lava flow while wearing the latest lava-repellant footwear. However, I don’t need to be reminded every time Karen needs to slip on her Birks before leaving the house. Move on. We’re all well-versed in the role shoes play in our lives.

Remember

Cut the filler. Cut the fluff. Get to the good stuff.

We don’t do it on purpose. But every now and then, we write one of those sentences that makes it seem like our readers have the mental acuity of a box of rocks. Take a look at the last couple things you wrote. Is there anything you can omit (either because the reader likely already has that knowledge OR because the reader would love the opportunity to build that picture up in their own mind)?

PRO TIP: Never make your readers feel like they don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. If you’re planning on a long-term career as a writer, this is BAD for business.

Why Focus on Readers?

When you empower your readers, you create excited, confident readers. You produce readers of more books! Remember every time you had a great book-reading experience as a kid or young adult? What did you do? You went and found another book. As writers, that’s all we can hope for: readers who want to READ MORE BOOKS.

Your Readers Are Worldly, Intelligent & Insightful

Readers have life experience, and you can assume that if they’ve picked up your book, they have interest in the topics you’ve tackled. (That means they probably have at least a little bit of subject matter knowledge, and they’re engaged in your content. Bonus!)

Your Readers Wear Pants

And they drive cars. And they know that water comes out of water fountains. (See? Smart!)

This is momentous insight for writers, because it means you don’t have to tell readers what pants feel like or how they work! You also are not obligated to tell them that cars have steering wheels and four tires; nor do you need to tell them water comes out of fountains. Unless something utterly STRANGE and UNEXPECTED is happening with the aforementioned objects, your readers can paint those pictures all on their own. (And they LOVE doing that. It’s part of THEIR creative process.)

Why Readers Read

Readers are a huge part of your creative process. They are the recipients of your stories, and they turn the words you’ve written into entire worlds in their minds. The best writers, the writers we all return to, are those who create just enough story to intrigue us, draw us in, and challenge us to fill in the blanks. They paint the picture—just not the ENTIRE picture.

Challenge: Read your latest writing and look for signs that you’re accusing your readers of bumblefuckery. Avoid this at all costs, because nobody wants to be known as the reader who needed to be told that “the rain fell down.” (Well I damned well hope so. Tell ‘em something they didn’t know.)

Read the following encouraging signs to remind you that your readers are total BRAINIACS who just want to read some great writing. So let loose, sling some creativity, and stop second-guessing yourself about what they can handle.

5 Pretty Obvious Giveaways That Your Readers Are Smart

  • They are holding a book. And if they aren’t currently holding a book, they’re likely shopping for a book, telling another person about the book they just read, or reading book reviews online to decide which book to purchase next (probably while listening to an audio book).
  • They are alive. Meaning, they have experienced life things. If your reader has ever been through a breakup, they know it causes sadness, so get more creative than that when describing a similar situation in your writing. They know dogs bark, but a snarler evokes a completely different feeling. Small changes in your writing infuse more emotion AND give readers credit for being able to fill in some of the blanks.
  • They speak your language. This is fan-freakin’-tabulous news, because it means you don’t need to fluff up your writing with pretentious words readers don’t understand. They talk just like you do, so wa-bam! You can just start typing. Unless you’re completing a post-grad thesis, uptight writing will only make you seem stuffy and in need of a fiber supplement. Plus, readers will wonder why you’re making their brains hurt.
  • They can imagine. If you tell readers about the “scraggly, bony-fingered witch who mumbles to herself each time a well-dressed businessman passes by,” you’ll have 500 readers who come up with 500 different mental images of that witch. And that is AMAZING! Do more of that! Encourage your readers to be smart and creative and whimsical. This is what brings joy to reading…and therefore, potentially an inkling of job security to the lowly writers of the world.
  • They contribute. Yep, that’s right. Think you’re the only one contributing to your writing? Think again. You are setting up a platform that invites readers to enter, absorb, and then create worlds of their own—all by reading what you’ve written. You are dancing with the reader, and there is a fine balance between telling them enough and telling them too much.

Readers are brainy and creative. They are learners, and they want to be part of the adventures in the books they read. As a writer, it’s your job to bring the story into focus. Paint just enough of a picture to connect almost all the dots; and then let readers fill in some of the blanks to envision specifics. Part of the beauty of creativity lies in the give and take between writer and reader.

Now, get out there and write a literary masterpiece. Go…scoot! Before I am forced to tell you that grass is green.

Build the Thrill: Murder Lazy Verbs & Resuscitate Your Writing

Have you ever needed to sleep soooo badly, but you just couldn’t doze off? Maybe you had a crazy plot line on the brain, or you were reliving that all-too-real horror scene from Carnival Killers you just watched on Lifetime after everyone went to bed. Whatever kept you awake, the only thing that could possibly help you doze off was picking up a chemistry textbook, or maybe listening to a speech about tube socks…or even reading this:

He went to the park. He saw the man he wanted to talk to. The man was dressed in a drab suit and looked bored as he stood there with a newspaper and a cup of coffee. He paced slowly, waiting for someone, but not knowing who. He finally grew tired and sat on a nearby bench, observing the crowd.

Aaaaand, cut to snooze. Could that be any more nap-worthy?

Fiction writing how to revamp your writing to use more exciting verbs; update boring verbs; build the thrill
Powerful verbs can transform your writing.

Remember swooning over vocabulary lists in 6th grade with the two other geeks in school? Flash back to the bliss you felt when you learned words like penultimate or coddle. There’s a definite cool factor in play when we get to use powerful new words, and many of us learned that at a young age. (It’s an illness.)

The Truth

We’ve all written shit. Why? Because it’s easy to slide into the sludge pit of ‘went, said, did, saw…the end.’ It’s a super-simple formula to follow. We’re not necessarily looking for the easy way out, but sometimes we get tired or stuck, and occasionally, the private brain-thesaurus we depend on simply refuses to give up anything useful. So, we settle.

We’ve also written shit because WE ARE DOERS AND TRYERS. We refuse to give up because we love what we do, and sometimes that means experimenting our way through new techniques, challenges, and styles. Writers are bold and brave, and we go out on limbs—and everyone knows when you’re out on a limb, that’s when you can fall and bust your butt.

But those moments when we soar? That’s what keeps us going. There are times when we feel so good about our work that we sing the Evita theme song from the rooftops. (Oh wait, that’s just me. Disregard.)

The Writing Hangover

The day after you create something shitty (or even semi-shitty…which is just about every new piece of work ever), you will be rudely awakened by an unholy dose of sunlight, followed by a vague recollection of adverb abuse and verb catatonia (scientific phenomena found within the writing community). Welcome to the writing hangover phase wherein regret slaps you upside the head and you recognize the fact there’s now a shitstack of writing that needs to be reworked.

Grab some coffee, Shakespeare. You’re gonna need it.

The Rework

You’ll go to sleep with a masterpiece, but don’t be surprised when you wake up to a disaster. After sleeping on it, you’ll realize the amount of word-slop you glopped onto the page like an unapologetic cafeteria lady slinging a mystery casserole. And you’ll thank the universe you had the forethought to keep your first draft under wraps for the time being. (Don’t beat yourself up too much. We’re all paddling through our own word-slop oceans.)

How to Kill Your Words & Make Better Ones

Rest easy; it’s not as bad as you think. You probably have a phenomenal idea! It’s just camouflaged…behind a whole lot of anemic verbs (and other things we’ll discuss later).

It happens to everyone. It’s easy to fall into the trap of being too comfortable. If you’re a really good writer, it’s even easier. (WHAT?!) Yup, let me explain. As you get more proficient and efficient with your writing, especially if you’re doing it to make a living, it’s very inviting to fall into a pattern that repeats itself. Back to the formulaic setup:

Get up. Write words. Turn in words. Make money. Repeat.

We fall into this pattern in life, too. Get up, pack lunches, send kids to school, go to work, repeat. But be careful, because writing that gets too formulaic will start to look and sound the same. And eventually readers will get bored.

Porridge vs. Fajitas

As writers, we must continually think up new ideas and find ways to create new worlds for readers.

No one’s gonna sit around and eat a bowl of boring-ass porridge when they can have a platter of sizzling fajitas.

Be the Fajita Platter

The basic sentence-crafting formula is easy: Noun + Verb = Sentence. Boom! (In our sleep, right?)

But how do you come up with new ways to say things ALL. THE. TIME?

Fire up the GRILL and COOK FAJITAS, baby! Buckle down, focus, and make it spicy. It takes longer to go back and evaluate your word choices, but in the end, you’ll be glad you did. It takes practice, balance, and a whole lot of shaking things up to find your very own style and voice. But when you do? That’s seriously something to be proud of.

Sizzling Fajita Recipe for Writers

The secret to a great story: Finding a balance of all pieces and parts!

The Internal Battle

An internal battle will ensue. Your inner self will say, “Nah, it’s ok. The grammar is good enough, and the sentences are readable. I have other things to do, like take naps and eat sandwiches.”

But the writer in you will fight, proclaiming loudly that you did NOT need to use the same verb four times. And it will shame you into admitting you singlehandedly abused a pronoun enough times to be considered a menace to society.

Revamping Your Verbs

Here’s the down-and-dirty about revising, re-verbing, and revamping your writing after you’ve discovered the weak spots. First pass: Look at your verbs.

Instead of this:Try something like this:
lookglare, glower, peek, peer, glance, gaze, peruse, scrutinize, admire, notice  
walksaunter, tiptoe, skip, trek, trudge, race, hurry, amble, strut, stroll, slog, toddle, shuffle  
laughgiggle, guffaw, snicker, roar, shriek, chuckle, howl, sniggle  
sleepsnooze, doze, pass out, languish, dream, nap, drop off, conk out, nod off, hibernate  
sayscreech, yell, mandate, cry, weep, snip, comment, spout, lecture, drawl, drone, persuade, gossip, chant

Take an honest pass through your writing and look for verbs that are lackluster, repetitive, or just plain boring. Try replacing them with verbs that have a little more VAVOOM and see what that does for your writing.

Remember This

If you have a writer friend who critiques you honestly, fairly, and in a constructive way, that means they believe in you and your writing. (Otherwise, they wouldn’t bother.) Ask them for their input and advice, even if it’s for a quick chapter review. You’ll likely get some great direction that will help you as you move forward with your project. (Also, they’re a pretty good friend, so keep them around.)

We’re All Growing

The opposite of growth is decline or lessening, and I don’t know a single writer who wants to do that. Let’s keep growing, supporting each other, and improving so we can put our very best work out there.

It takes longer to go back and evaluate your word choices, but in the end, you’ll be glad you did. You’ll be a better writer, and you’ll gain more readers.